To be liberated or not to be...

Less a month has passed and it was a total dread. I kept asking when and how all of these would actually end and how am I supposed to handle all of these craps until I'm finally relieved. I have been liberated for that long already and the reasons behind are not really closed yet. It means that I am agonizing the time when I would be able to make it really 'close'. A closure is what badly I need, as well as clarity and acceptance. Everything has just been so unfair and I really couldn't fathom no matter how I dig deep within my brain why I had to be in this situation knowing that I just did my part well and got a bunch of trash for an exchange. So hopeless..

Back to Ala

Thankful that tech-training will resume next week, I could go to Ala (Isulan, Sultan Kudarat) FINALLY. It is where my mom spent her childhood and it is also where the rest of her family resides. I haven’t been back there for 4 years already and the last time I was there was when my uncle, my mother’s brother, died because of high blood attack and after that a lot of reasons kept me from going there mostly because of school stuff reasons. Every time my mom would go home there, she’ll be bring me back messages from my uncles and aunts that I’d be really dead if I wouldn’t go there anymore. And now that I had the chance, I totally grabbed it.
We left at dawn and I still sleepy. We just rode a van in Matina terminal and arrived at around 8 am already. The temperature’s really really hot I could say. I can’t tell the difference here in Davao but it was really more searing in there. As we got out of the jeepney, my cousins welcomed us with a warm greeting. Boy I was really absent there for quite a time, I noticed many changes and my cousins are already grown up compared to the last time I saw them. The reason why we went home is because it’s my uncle Dodong’s birthday (the one who died 4 years ago) and fiesta. The karaoke machine starts to get really loud and I was waiting for my cousins who just live in Davao too to arrive.
There were many people and also food was abundant. I got to eat-all-I-can because my aunt has a store and they sell halo-halo and batchoy and since it’s not always everyday that I get to eat their ‘tinda’, I can just eat for free (haha). Although the temperature’s scorching hot, it was still fun and that fun would have compounded if our trip to the hot spring happened. Unfortunately it was cancelled because the night before, it rained really hard and expectedly the road to the hot spring is already accident prone.
I was really happy that I get to return there after all these years and though I have been absent for that long, I didn’t feel any unwelcome aura from them and it seems though that I was not able to go there for only just a day, nothing really beats family.

Out in the real world

After graduation, all I could think of is what course should I be taking now that I have finished my studies. I always worry that I would just end up like a potato couch and not get to give back all the hardships or efforts that my parents gave to get me this far. As what I always hear from others, I am still young and I have a long time ahead of me to actually get my dreams into actions, so worry less. Last Monday, I kinda just dragged myself to get up and try to do important things that I should be attending to like with the SITS stuff. Arriving at school, it happened that none of my classmates were there, I text Mark and he replied that I follow him to Victoria Plaza. I decided to have my new ID picture for my resumes. Then April suddenly text that they are in a call center for an application. She was exaggeratively telling us to hurry to go there although it's barely 1pm. We decided to go there to just to give it a shot. The whole application experience was totally memorable, as it was really my first time and I was really nervous as the interviewer called my name. I'm proud to say that I was the only one who qualified for the exam and accepted to proceed for training. Knowing that it was accidental or not really planned that I apply there. The picture shows(from left) Mark, April and me, waiting in the lobby for our turn to be interviewed.

Yesterday, I get to actually experience getting your records as a grown up like NBI clearance, SSS number, tin # and all sorts that you need to comply when applying for a job. The whole NBI experience is totally hope-this-won't-happen-again thing. I was really pressured coz I just got only 1 DAY to comply all my requirements since I would be on training on Wednesday. Well, as this whole experience was happening, I have also done a lot of thinking about it. I got discouraged because my parents kinda don't want me to work in a call center plus some of the hear says that really discourages me. But I was just keep on telling myself that this is actually good, because not all can have the opportunity that I got and that this could actually be my first experience to have a job and have a good pay. Right? I promised myself that I will surely not inclined away from the field where I belong and apply for those that I have studied for 4 years in college.

Today was my first day of training, and still, having second thoughts. But I still came because I gave my word that I would be there. I was really nervous. I felt that I had to really go to the toilet because of what I feel. But to summarize my day in the training, it was fun, I met new people or friends I could say and I also got to learn new things with regards to proper grammar and proper communication skills. On the 4th day would be our 'final exam' , that's the elimination round and getting eliminated at that phase means you can't proceed to the rest of 18 days technical training. So wish me luck guys. Come what may.

Easter Sunday

I finally left house today with my cousins to watch a movie. I spend 2 amazing(?) days straight only at home this holy week because I don't have a place to go to have fun and not feel the boredom and I don't think dad would allow me to leave house knowing that it is a holy week, although my brother and sister always leave the house. All I did was watch TV, eat, sleep and think about the things that would just came to my mind and those that are actually significant to what I should with my life. After all, holy week is to have yourself a time for some reflections, right? And I totally did a lot of it. Humans are REALLY amazing, they don't run out of problems. Are we all born to face problems? I wonder if there is a planet existent but living the opposite way that we do like instead of problems, they get to experience LUCK things or fortunate things. I would totally go there myself. Watching movies, I realized that I kinda changed in doing it. Aside from focusing on the characters and the story itself, I get to look on the effects that were used, how the movie was edited, why that particular scene was taken and when someone calls an actor in the movie, is someone really calling them or are they just pretending to talk even there's no person in the other line. I watched Lara Croft Tomb Raider yesterday, and a satellite shot is taken and I think you would have to use a helicopter or something you could fly on to get that shot. And I think a helicopter was used because I could hear the wings or the propeller something (sorry, I forgot how it's called). It seems that the music should cover its sound but it kinda had a glitch or I was just talking total nonsense as I watched that movie around 1am alredy..hehe

How devastating

How come I never run out of worries?After one passes through, another one goes marching in again. I mean, CAN I GET A LIFE?Can I just get a rest after having one finished before facing another one. When I'm totally busy thinking of my problem/s, I get to think some sayings or quotes applicable to what I am actually going through. One that came up to me is, "Romeo save me, I've been feeling so alone. I keep waiting for you but you never come." I wouldn't really elaborate on that but its kind of relative to what I'm experiencing. It would  be totally selfish for me to say that my life is the hardest life you could live in, knowing that there are others who suffer more than I do in this society, but that's truly how I feel and what I say would most likely be appropriate to how I feel. I totally sounded messed up right?Because I totally am. Helpless?I could say so. 

A Miracle

Ah..I actually did it! A miracle it is indeed. After 3 LONG agonizing weeks, my suffering had actually come to an end and I couldn’t thank God enough for what He had done for me. Prayer and perseverance is undeniably effective. Starting from the 1^st week of March where everyone got so busy finishing their research, to the 2^nd week where Friday the 13^th would be the last day of passing of grades for graduating students and the week where I was SUSPENDED for not wearing uniform until the third week where I was literally already grabbing myself up to finish what I have started although chances are already so slim. For that whole 3 weeks, I could say that it was totally the worst moment in my life where it lasted quite long and I actually did want to give up. My other classmates, or those that I am always with, were already done with theirs and they could just go around anywhere celebrating every minute knowing that they were already in the safe box of graduates while I was hardly picking up the tiniest bit of hope that has kept me going on, having double thoughts that I could still make it or it is already too late. It wasn’t really easy making yourself get up from bed so early to go to door-to-door to your respondents just so they would be sort of forced to respond to your study, walking the streets of Davao, rain or shine, hoping that you’ll get more responses, accepting rejects and waiting for confirmation, emailing, calling and visiting them each day. Until March 20 came, where I could hardly breathe anymore, Sir RSG agreed that I could have consultation with my documentation already. It gave me hope and the thorn stuck to my heart for how many days has been pulled out on March 21, 1:00pm. I don’t know but I still got the aftershocks of being a paranoid that there’s something that could still go wrong and I wouldn’t really make it to graduation day until today where Sir RSG has checked my hardbound thesis via phone and I had actually received my final grade in all my subjects. All I could really say is I am so thankful that I had passed through it.

I wanted to take this opportunity to really thank everyone, as I haven’t really poured out my real gratitude in my research paper acknowledgement section. To Sir RSG, for the encouragement, advice, considerations, learning and for giving me the chance to actually let my efforts pay off. We couldn’t deny that it was really up to you, aside from me, if I would really make it. A lot of thanks to you Sir.

To Maam Wit and Sir Bert of IDI, and every officers and respondents, I had quite disturbed with their busy schedules for gathering data. My research was all not that great but I hope it could still be good.

To my ABASHAKE friends, especially Madam, for the offered prayer and encouragements and for the acceptance if I could just only be an ‘Octoberian’ (at least Batch 2009 gihapon).

To my classmates in IC (present and evening batch), for the encouragements also, (although you were just waiting na malibre.hehe) that you still got to say that there’s still hope. For the laughter that made me temporarily forget of my agony.

To ‘pangit’, who stood by my side, gone with me while doing door-to-door survey, rain or shine and really know what I felt and had gone through and gave me every support and strength.

To my beloved parents and family, thank you for bringing me up and worked hard to educate me. You were my inspiration really to finish my study despite the slimmest chances.

To everyone, thank you, God will surely take care of the paybacks multiple times.

To my classmates, who decided to finish their studies later, I really hoped we could graduate together so there are more to celebrate with since we had shared lots of fun and pressured times already. But I just want to say that, whoever graduates first is not really the measure if you were really a good IT student in USeP, though it could be one, but it is really how much you have learned with all the IT stuff or technical things that an IT student should be equipped with. You know what I mean.